May 17, 2013

I’m sooooooo enjoying some time off. I love having as much time as I want to dig into God’s Word. Currently I am reading Isaiah and I am on chapter 30. I've gotten some very interesting take "away,s" today. Verse 8 is the reason I keep a journal. It states, “Write it down so that it may be an everlasting witness for days to come”. I hope one day, Courtney is able to go through some of my journals and see all the blessings that have come her way as a result of the prayers I have written and said for her.

Verse 15, “In repentance & rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength." My interpretation of this verse applied to my life: my ability to crease activity (rest) and be remorseful for my actions (repentance) is what delivers me from destruction (salvation). My ability to withstand pressure (strength) comes when I am free from anxiety (quietness) and when I place my confidence in the Lord without fear (trust).

          Anyone that knows me, knows that that are very few times I am able to “cease activity”. Thankfully, God has placed Jamie in my life because he helps me out tremendously in this area. There are very few times I have had true moments of rest that did not include Jamie. With the exception of my morning devotion with God, he has always been a source of rest for me. (Today’s time with God brings not only the musical sounds of the birds singing good-morning but the soothing sound of rain as the backdrop. Love it, love it, love it!!)

When I think of my times of “resting”, I picture us floating down the river, floating on the lake in the pontoon, sitting around the campfire at the cabin or sitting around the fire pit in the backyard. I reflect on the times we walked on the beaches of Destin, Marco Island, and Hilton Head Island listening to the continuous sound of the waves as they wrap around our feet and the salty wind as whips my hair around my head and lands in my mouth. (Okay, I know that last part isn't so “restful” but it’s a part of the scenery nonetheless.) Jamie is definitely my “calm”, my “resting place” here on Earth and I don’t know where I would be without him. (wound up tightly, I'm sure)

The times of deep agony of repentance that I have had and expressed over the years are memories that are just as strong as my times of rest. I am thankful that once I have expressed true repentance, God no longer remembers them. It is up to me to let go and move on. It is up to me to make right what I can out of the mess I created. Luckily God turns my “messes” into a part of his plan. This is what gives me peace in my salvation.

I think the second part of this verse is why I love growing older. It has taken so much hard work and effort for me to learn that act of trusting. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I have yet to fully trust, but I desperately want to and continually try to enhance that characteristic.

Once again, Jamie comes to my mind when I think of trust. We have been together over 18 years (wow….that is unreal to me) and I can honestly say, -up until the past two years-I never really trusted him. I wanted to; I tried; but I never believed he truly loved me- so I couldn't  or maybe I wouldn't  But two years ago, he proved me wrong and showed me, proved to me that he really does love me and I can trust him. No one, besides God, could ever love me the way he does. I am so thankful God has shown me that about Jamie. 

So how does all this relate back to Isaiah 30:15? When I have done wrong and seek forgiveness not only from God but from those who I have hurt I will be received for whom I am not what I have done. I can handle what comes my way when I am not anxious and allow consequences to occur without fear that they will destroy me.